The Herefordshire Family Celebrant

Grief is something we will all experience at some point in our lives, yet when it arrives, it can feel unfamiliar, isolating and deeply unsettling. Many people tell me they feel unsure whether what they are experiencing is “normal” or worry that they are grieving in the wrong way.

The truth is this: there is no single right way to grieve.

Understanding the language around grief, and what is happening both emotionally and physically, can help us be gentler with ourselves and others.

Bereavement vs Grieving: What’s the Difference?

Although often used interchangeably, bereavement and grieving are not quite the same.

Bereavement is the event itself, the loss of someone important to us through death. It marks the beginning of a journey, not the process.

Grieving is the response to that loss. It is how we feel, think, react and adapt over time. Grieving is not linear. It does not follow neat stages, and it does not have an end date.

Some days may feel manageable. Others may feel unbearably heavy. Both are part of grieving.

What Happens to Us When We Grieve?

Grief affects the whole person, not just our emotions.

Emotional symptoms may include:

• Sadness, anger, guilt or numbness
• Anxiety or fear
• Relief, especially after long illness
• Sudden mood changes

Physical symptoms are very real and common:

• Extreme tiredness
• Headaches or body aches
• Tight chest or shortness of breath
• Changes in appetite
• Sleep disturbance
• Weakened immune system

This happens because grief places the body under prolonged stress. Our nervous system remains on high alert, which can leave us feeling exhausted, foggy or unwell.

Grief is not “all in your head”. It is something your whole body experiences.

What Is Complex Grief?

For some people, grief becomes complex.

Complex grief (sometimes referred to as prolonged or complicated grief) may occur when the pain of loss remains intense and overwhelming for a long time, making it difficult to engage with daily life.

This is more likely when:

• There have been multiple losses
• The relationship was complicated
• The death was sudden, traumatic or followed a long illness
• There is unresolved guilt, anger or regret
• The person lacks support

Complex grief does not mean someone is weak or failing. It simply means the loss has overwhelmed the system.

Managing the Symptoms of Grief

Grief cannot be fixed, but it can be supported.

Gentle ways to care for yourself:

• Rest when your body asks for it
• Eat little and often, even if appetite is low
• Get outside, even briefly
• Breathe slowly when emotions feel overwhelming
• Lower expectations of yourself

Emotional support matters:

• Talk to someone safe
• Write things down when words feel stuck
• Allow tears — or the absence of them
• Accept help, even when it feels uncomfortable

Grief is lighter when it is shared, even in small ways.

Moving Forward Does Not Mean Letting Go

One of the biggest fears people have is that moving forward means forgetting, betraying, or leaving someone behind.

It does not.

Moving forward means learning how to carry love and loss together. It means building a life that makes room for grief, rather than trying to erase it.

Over time, the sharpness may soften. The waves may come less often. The love remains.

A Final Thought

Grief and love sit side by side. They always have.

If you are grieving, whether freshly bereaved or carrying loss from years ago, please know that what you feel matters, and you do not have to navigate it alone.

Sometimes the bravest thing we can do is acknowledge that we are hurting and allow ourselves to be supported.